I'll admit the sudden arrival of my centerfold girl shipmate was the biggest thrill of my whole gosh darn life. Way better than when I finally got through all my Star Pilot trainin' or even when I went flyin' off on my very first mission with LaDy. Agnus was just a poster hangin' on the inner hull for the longest time; just a pretty face to go along with the onboard computer's voice. Then after a wish and a prayer she was right there starin' and smilin' back at me; the same girl in the poster only for real.

I figured nothin' in the whole galaxy, any galaxy, could beat that trick. Then like it was fate or somethin' we found Flash, a wee orphaned rock left behind by a mining colony, living mineral that could talk with colors. Flash was the key we needed so as to chit chat with SID. Flash and SID had a lingo that Agnus figured out a way to translate. Ever since then SID said he'd help me get home if I stayed long enough to chart his Lotus flower galaxy, so we been spendin' months visitin' all the planets he's had to show us.

SID has been taggin' behind LaDy like a mangy mutt beggin' for table scraps ever since we first got here, which is still a mystery. He loves them foul tastin' rock treats LaDy feeds him, sour pickin's from the good stuff she gobbles up for fuel. The more SID got to eatin' them the stronger he became. He went from a hazy orange cloud to a dense and bright form, pretty near as solid as any object could be.

When we seen how he could come down from outer space onto the planets' surfaces with us Agnus put her brilliant mind to work on a secret project. When she finally let me in on it I could not believe she had the time for anythin' else what with all the endless data she had to compile. Then I remembered how she didn't need to sleep like a real person, how she only used a bed for - ah - other reasons. I hushed Agnus up in case Flash was eaves droppin' from the dashboard.

"Shhh, you've gotta be kiddin' me?"

"Not at all. SID has managed to reduce his mass from an enormous gaseous entity to a rather compact semisolid body. In his condensed form he can conceivably be contained within a flexible polymer shell. A protective layer of material will not allow his corrosive chemistry to damage LaDy's metal. I programmed the ship to fabricate as much of the shielding substance as needed to fully envelope SID."

This part didn't surprise me none, since that was sorta how Agnus-G came to be Aaaagnus! I nodded to let her know I was hearin' all she was saying'.

She smiled sweetly. "I have also been working on a synthetic substitute for the mineral SID and Flash prefer to consume. They already tasted it and tell me it's pale green - or as you would say, not half bad. That half of the problem was the deal breaker, so I was relieved once the food supply issue was solved. SID can move under his own power, so he doesn't need legs. That made the next bit easy. He can get a shapeless outer coating then reshape himself into whatever form best suits his needs. For instance, he may want arms with fingers to handle objects. He could become a rain tarp for when we explore planets like Phil. All he needs besides the chem-safe-gel is a one-way nozzle that acts as a feeding tube. Do you realize what this means?"

"My jaw was dropped too far to reply. I was recallin' too how wet we got on Phil."

It means we can bring SID aboard LaDy . . . as a crewmate, instead of making him float behind us, or ahead of us, everywhere we go. Isn't that great?!"

I knew it was dumb, even for me, but all I could think to ask her was, "Will this chem.-safe-gel of yours stain the deck, or the flannel sheets on the spare bunk?"

Agnus laughed at my inability to see beyond the mundane aspects of day-to-day living on an already cramped ship. "Shaula, my dear. Think about what this means for your future. You are going home soon, yes? You will not only have charts and data of another galaxy, but evidence of inhabited planets. You will have me, Flash and SID to bring back too. What do you think the people of Earth will think of your return and all you have to show them?"

She was too sweet to speak the exact words, but I knew what she meant to say. When I left my home, the Milky Way, and all my flyin' chums, I was nothin' more than a bad joke, a last pick Star Pilot: 3rd Class. But when I git back, once they all see where I've been and what I done, I'll be an instant celebrity. My snapshots of the aliens we met will fill the Internet more than porn ever did. Me and Agnus will have ourselves a proper weddin' with more guests than I can name, since I won't know most of them personally. My mama will get her beamin' face on world-wide TV, tellin' folks how proud she is of her boy - her shinin' star, Shaula. Flash will need protection from the curious types wearin' lab jackets, but I'll be rich enough to hire him body guards. SID will become a celebrity too, a shape-shiftin' marvel, givin' colorful interviews about his life, his home turf, and most importantly, how we were all able to travel here through a pinhole.

A pinhole. That's how big The Gate was that I fell into, which explains how I couldn't get back through it on my own. SID said I shrunk to a speck during the phenomena he called randomly restructured spacial relativity - the thing that first landed me in his neighborhood. I regained natural size once it wore off. He also said we'd have to shrink again so as to fit back through it. I pulled an Alice in Wonderland stunt. SID knows roughly the area to search for this stable pinhole. It's only a square meter of space, but try finding a pinpoint within a square meter of anything. If we shrink too far away from it we'll have to fly a great distance to reach it, relatively speaking. If we guess right within an inch of the opening it'll only take us one year to fly toward the actual gate hole, which will seem gigantic in relation to our size. Problem is, we can't stay shrunk for more than a few minutes, so a year is way off the mark. SID will try to narrow down the search area some more.

But we remain optimistic that the departure area will git reduced to a square foot by the time we log all these planets and stars. Meantime, we have kindly alien folk here, who'll be sorry to see us leave. I told Agnus we should tell SID and Flash about her surprise. Looks like I may be getting' a new crewman.

End transmission,

Shaula Randolf Star Pilot:3rd Class, Agnus, Flash & SID

pilot

gogogogogo!
sparkly colors
bouncing

speculating
what home might mean
meeting Shaula's mama

hugs all round
the act of holding
what a concept

droppin� pins
down the rabbit hole
head scratchin� stuff

pilot