In an unidentified galaxy, the unexpected ought to have been expected, but down right weird stuff was happenin'--and by the threes. I 'member AGNUS-G once sayin' that I'm superstitious, that there's no signif'cance to the number three, but when I get weird stuff by the threes, I know somethin's up!

First off, my ship lodged a formal gripe in regards to her diet. She said it was tainted with some "unknown" substance. I knew them space rocks LaDy sucked up her intake feeders got scanned for content and all, but I can't recallect a time when she was sorely unhappy with it. Heck, even when she'd gone for months eatin' nothin' but ash, which made for poor fuel, it never caused her to be so dang persnickety. She acted truly suspicious 'bout who put it there, which I figured was an odd notion by itself. But after a week of steady gripes she went on a hunger strike. As she put it, "rather than risk a serious case of food poisonin' by hostile alien minerals, I'll starve." I begged LaDy to keep munchin' on them sour pebbles so we'd keep from endin' up as space debris, but she weren't havin' any of it. Then I asked AGNUS-G for help just short of an empty tank and a dead stop.

AGNUS-G suggested makin' LaDy a filtration system so as to remove the unknown particles. Then she'd either toss them out the waste vents, or tow them for future study in an off-ship holdin' tank. LaDy agreed with this notion. I agreed to hang onto to the stuff for future study. After the retrofit was complete, we were back underway. LaDy ate her fill of space rocks while passin' the nasty ones out a hose to a barge.

Everythin' appeared fine until SID showed up and then unexpected situation number two began. Seemed that stockpilin' those funky fragments had a bait-like effect on him. That acid cloud strayed off its usual course and went after us like ants on a picnic. AGNUS-G insisted clouds moved in random directions, not deliberate, and that I was lettin' my imagination go off again. "SID's course change was just a fluke," she said. But after the fill gage on the barge climbed over thirty-eight percent, it was clear enough that SID was on our heels ever'where we flew. Knowin' he could eat a hole in LaDy's hull made me change my mind 'bout keepin' that substance for science's sake. But AGNUS-G suggested I jettison the stuff we had scooped up thus far just to see what'd happen, since we could always get more. This made sense to me, so I did it, and sure enough, SID screamed across the sky like a comet with a deliberate motive to soak it all in. Weird.

AGNUS-G offered no explanation. LaDy kept on eatin' tainted fuel, filterin' and storin' it up, then baitin' SID with it like a dang dog. It was fun to watch. This went on for months. We didn't see no harm in it, since LaDy was happy again and we always knew where to find SID.

Smooth sailin', right? Wrong.

That was 'bout the time when AGNUS-G came out of the closet with her own case of real or imagined? My ship's computer (not to be confused with my ship, LaDy, a near witless eating machine) arrived at the conclusion that it/she was a real live woman instead of a machine. Let me explain. All Star Pilots had a pinup girly poster hung up somewheres on their ship. Mine just happened to be a bikini-clad blonde. One borin' day I even signed the picture 'Agnus G' but only as a joke. Well sir, after starin' at that image for two years, my Automated Guide of Navigational and Universal Systems: Revision G (AGNUS-G) figured that was what she truly looked like. When I told her that was just crazy talk, she insisted I watch her scan her own heat signature movin' around the ship. Sure enough, the red and blue blob on the monitors did appear to be a shapely figure walkin' erect.

That was weird too, but in a sorta sexy way. Sure it gets lonely out here. Meetin' AGNUS-G face-to-face looking like that, well, don't get me wrong, she's like a mother or a sister to me, but dang! I had nothin' more to say on the matter, although my dreams got a might interestin' afterwards. It's still a puzzler.

We need to get home is all I know for certain. Signin' off for now,

Shaula Randolf, Star Pilot: 3rd Class & AGNUS-G

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