Once upon a star named Lambda ? or HR 6527, or HD 158926, or Shaula ? the 21st brightest star from Earth, my ma made a special wish: to quit having daughters and to have a son. When I was born a year later, she named me Shaula after her lucky star.

Ma made certain I always got more than my six older sisters ever got on account of me being her only boy. So I asked her if I could please be excused from workin? our family?s patented pink grass farm so as to fly into outer space. Ma had a good long talk with the photo of pa she kept in her apron pocket, then said it?d be fine. She sold her patent to pay for my flight schoolin'.

?Tacky folks?ll just have to buy their magenta lawns from someone else,? she said without carin? much.

My sisters were all taken as wives by local men, or left ugly and spinstered, whilst I went off to make ma proud. I also sent her my pay stubs to retire on, and she?d mail me back an allowance.

It took me two years worth of extra studies than the cadets I joined up with to make Star Pilot: 3rd Class, but I made it just the same.

Ma said, ?Even turtles get where they?re headin? eventually. Flyin? a starship puts the turtles at the same speed as them smart-tailed rabbits, so don?t give your natural pace any mind.?

I wish I could let ma know that I?m still alive and doing my job as a Star Pilot, except I?m some where?s else.

Once I seen that I?d be spendin? more time than I planned on in this here ?UNIDENTIFIED? galaxy, it hit me that I had a duty to make a map of everythin?. I started by markin? my point of entry, as best I could figure it was at, as THE GATE. I almost called it THE ONEWAY VALVE since flying back through it didn?t help me get back to my own galaxy, but callin? it THE GATE left me some hope of one day gettin? home. Next I named the different colored stars. Then SID the big, orange, acid cloud that eats metal. Then the BIG planets and everythin livin? on?em. But I?ll write all about that later on.

What I really wanted to say was this: I named the 21st brightest star from THE GATE after my ma, Noreen. If I ever get the chance to show my map to the folks back on Earth, I know ma?ll be right proud of her boy. Oh yeah, and her star just happens to be magenta. She?ll like that. I bet she?s the only one who?d see the humor in that.

Please forward this transmission to the proper authorities if you get it. It?s no gag.

Sincerest thanks,

Shaula Randolf, Star Pilot: 3rd Class & AGNUS-G

pilot

no place to hide
Jupiter?s eye?s
always open

pilot

pilot